I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
