cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
