Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So much rum. So many feels.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
