youre lurking in front of me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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