It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
NoShamevember. You game?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
