and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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