i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
