I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
