i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
