even my farts smell like vagina
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
