I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
