I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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