she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize