Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
