Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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