Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
