and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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