my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
