My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
