wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
