So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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