Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize