Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Vodka?
Forever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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