He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
