I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
