Don't you send me to vm
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
