we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
