Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
