this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize