Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
