I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
