Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Alive.
So much puke
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
