Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
