he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
