Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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