i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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