I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
