Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
