Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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