goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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