the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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