i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
