she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize