They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize