I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
