In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
