i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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