Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
