You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize