nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Randomize
