mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
