it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
