im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
