Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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