I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
