This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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