I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
