so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
