He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
