I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize