How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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