I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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