I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
