do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
