my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
