So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
