She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize