those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
