I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my shit smells like andre
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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