The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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