You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
