So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
