Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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