I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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